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These are "Funnies". Jokes.

Pinnocchio has drowned!

 Pinocchio visits a doctor. The doctor checks him over and says, "Yes, mister, you have woodlice."

"Do you like horses?


"Then why don't you ride?"

"If I liked hedgehogs, would I ride them too?"

A wolf and a rabbit come to a restaurant.

"I would like some carrot and cabbage," says the rabbit.

"And is your friend hungry?" asks the waiter.

"If he was, I won't be here."

A teacher says to his students during the exam:

"You can peek at the answers, but make it so I don't notice!"

 A boy and a girl are reading an animal magazine. They start to argue: "Could be!"

"Can't be!"

"Could be!"

"Cant be!"

"Let's ask then!"

The boy and the girl come to their grandmother:

"Granny, can you have kids?"

"Well no, dears, of course not!"

The children walk away. The boy says:

"See, I told you, she's male!"

 "What's your name?"


"How old are you?"


"Are you slow?"


Saint George mounted the stallion, reached towards his sword, shouting "Show me the dragon!"... when a bunch of yelling guys ran to him and dragged him off the horse. Served him right: should have paid for the carousel ride.

Two fish in a fish tank. One asks another:

"Do you think God exists?" The other fish swims away, thinks, and replies:

"But if not, who changes the water in the tank?"

What is the question that no one would answer positively?

"Are you dead?"

A lion walks across the forest and meets a bear. The lion says,



"Writing down; bear. Come tomorrow, I'm going to eat you. Questions?"

The bear walks away in tears.


The lion walks on and meets a fox.



"Writing; fox. Come to me the day after tomorrow, I'll eat you. Questions?"

The crying fox walks away.


The lion walks on and meets a hedgehog.



"Writing; hedgehog. Come to me two days after tomorrow, I'll eat you. Do you have any questions?"

The hedgehog says,

"Yes. Can I not come?"

"Yes, you can - crossing out."

Why did E.T. die?

Because he had to pay his phone bills.



"Well, Mr. Black, did you sleep well last night? Did you count sheep?"

"Yes, I did, doctor. I counted 362,493,5."

"And did you sleep then?"

"No, it was time to get up!"



"On the way to school, a boy fell and everyone laughed. But I didn't."

"Very good, Billy. Who was the boy?"



Imagine Legolas riding his horse. On his back is a sheet of paper:

"If you can read this, the dwarf fell off."

Garfield and Jon.


"There is one cookie left.

One mouldy, stale, stone-hard, tasteless, 10-year old cookie. And you're gonna eat it?"


"Any doubts?"

Jon: There is one last cookie left. Do you know what tham means?

Garfield: I can have it?

Jon: It means you ate the rest!!!

Garfield: Oh, and that, too...

Jon: Garfield, what happened to the cookies that used to be in this jar?........No, that's a dumb question.

Garfield: Exactly.

Garfield: Hey Jon, I'll bet anything that you won't find Odie!

Jon: Garfield... what were you doing with that shovel?

Garfield: No hints!

Garfield: Come out, mouse!

Voice from inside the mouse hole: Mouse doesn't live here anymore!

Garfield: Then who are YOU?

Voice: I'm a sabre-tooth shrieking lemur!

Garfield walks up to Jon: I've got good news and bad news....

Garfield is lying on his back, totally ignorant of the world. Jon complains: Garfield, I just saw a mouse!

Garfield: ...

Jon: It's in the kitchen!

Garfield: ...

Jon: It's driving a shopping cart!

Garfield: Is that your reason for me to get up?

Garfield: Poor cupcake... You look so lonely.... You need a friend... I'll introduce you to a lasagne. *munch*




Copyright(c) 2003 Ekaterina Romanova. All Rights Reserved.